I’ll try to not make this lengthy, there a lot to it tho - and i need some serious advice.
I’m a female. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2+yrs last month.
I started hanging out with my old friend(female) - someone I did date for a month prior to being w/ my recent ex.
I’ve informed my friend on a few different occasions that I am not at all over my ex and dont plan on dating anyone for a long while, because there is so much stuff i was held back from and so much i want to work on for myself and i only want and need friends and i believe any relationships beyond friendships will hinder me from doing what i need and want to do.
So my friend has expressed to me that she likes me, would want to date me in the future, but not now, cause she doesn’t work, lives at home with her parents and is going to school.
I don’t ever see myself wanting to date her, because she is not my type and i don’t think she ever will be.
So its only been like 3 weeks and she has been wanting to hang out with me a lot, constantly contacting me, telling me she misses me, telling me she wishes she was hanging out with me… etc..
Here’s some mistakes I’ve made - A week after I asked my ex to move out and she did, I started hanging out with my friend and then she’s wanted to stay the nigh one nightt. The problem is I only have 1 bed(the spare) in my house at the moment since my ex took our bed. And its a double size. I’m used to sleeping on a queen, but have wanted a king. haha. So here’s where i went wrong, the first time she stayed the night instead of requesting she sleep on the couch i let her sleep in my bed with me. She asked me if it was okay for her to cuddle me because she likes to cuddle. I was feeling very sad and alone at that point with my ex moving out and having slept alone for like two weeks. So I said fine she could cuddle me, but I’m not a cuddle type unless it’s someone i’m with and love and desire. I don’t just cuddle anybody and friends.
So um i slept uncomfortable.
Then she stayed another night and i kinda got my dog to stay and sleep in between us. Then in the morning she and texted and said she really wanted to cuddle me and i didn’t respond to that. So i’m at the point where she’s stayed 4-5 nights now and she’s like tried every time to cuddle me and a few times I’ve gotten out of it. - I know you’re probably thinking just tell her straight up…. but there is that whole not wanting to hurt her feelings. But it truely does make me uncomfortable, and i hardly get a good nights sleep sharing a bed with her because i like my space and well shes a bigger girl and she sleeps in the middle. This is a double bed we’re talking about. One morning I got up and went to sleep on the couch for an hour!
My biggest thing is how do I approach this? She’s kinda a sensitive girl and i really don’t want to hurt her feelings, but at this point i’m just not comfortable and find it inappropriate. If at all you could put yourself in her shoes- how would you be okay with someone telling you they didn’t want you to cuddle them, let alone sleep in the same bed as them?
With my ex and my other roommate moving out in the same month. I’ve had a lot of clean up to do in general, but I do have a futon my storage unit I want to get out so I have that as an option.
I’ve been really trying to avoid her coming and hanging out at my house b/c of this…haha and she’s asked practically every day..
On another note, I also need to approach her on the matter of her picking up after herself. Lol, when she does come over she always eats my food, which i guess is not my biggest complaint. The other day when she was coming over she said she was on her way (lives 30 mins away) and i said okay im eating dinner and her response was “you couldn’t wait for me”…..i wanted to eat dinner before she came to avoid her asking me to make her anything…she ended up making herself something….
My bigger complaint is she does not pick up after herself. Leaves any garbage around, and she took a shower the other night when she stayed over, the bathroom she used was on the other side of the house - she totally came in my room after her shower and left the bathroom night on.. I’ve already mentioned her picking up after herself and she replies- i do.. That night with the bathroom light - i just didn’t wanna bother saying anything to hurt her feelings….wanted to say geez were you born in a barn!
Nice advice please and really truly thank you for reading… I just want to approach things in the most friendliest non offensive manner.